loneliness

I woke up this morning from that dream. My ever constant dream;

The dream that I’ve had for as long as I can remember,

I’m running, as always running.

Being chased by some unseen threat or force;

Running as if my life depended upon;

Whatever it is, I fear it;

It is the thing that scares me most.

I can hear the loud beating of my heart,

The sweat running down my face as I hide;

I crouch as low as I can get and make my body almost invisible.

Why won’t this monster leave me alone?

Why does it constantly torment me?

Why not chase after someone else?

I can hear its shuffling footsteps as it gets closer

I can’t stay here anymore, I must run;

The urge becomes great and overwhelming,

What else can I do but run?

What options do I have?

I can’t let it get to me;

And so, I run!

I run fast,

Over long distances in short time,

As I run, I feel as if I come outside my body;

And I must ask myself, why am I running?

What am I running from?

What is my biggest fear?

My greatest fear is waking up one morning and realizing that I have no one!

That is my monster!

That is my threat!

That is what scares me beyond anything else,

Being alone;

Without them, without him, without her, without you.

It terrifies me like a monster in my dream.

That is one existence that I choose not to embrace,

Never seeing your smile or kissing her cheek;

Never giving them a hug,

Or hearing him say “I love you”

And sooo… I will run.

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