All My Fault…

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I told them that it was all my fault,

that i got you upset,

that if I wasn’t such a slob,

that you never would’ve hit me!

I told the girls that they should learn…

Learn that little girls should be seen and not heard;

cook and not eat;

be fit and never gain weight.

I told them all…

but you came back last night, drunk again,

and for no reason at all,

I became the object of your frustration,

the object of your rage.

As much as i knew that I did nothing wrong,

it had to be my fault,

had to be;

I should’ve met you at the door,

helped you out of your clothes,

I never should’ve fallen asleep

or allowed the girls to eat the only food that was left.

It was all my fault,

caused I knew above all, that you loved me,

would’ve killed any man who looked at me.

that’s why it had to be my fault.

Cause i’m the only woman you wanted,

only woman that you chose to be your wife.

Out of all the women,

I was the only one…

That’s why no matter how hard you hit me

or stomped on my stomach with your shoes,

that no matter

how many miscarriages and infections that I got from you,

in the end, I knew that it had to be my fault.

Cause I made you mad,

didn’t do what you asked,

I refused to have sex on that time of the month,

refused to allow you to touch my children.

Thus, i’m to blame

For the way that you treated me…

But whose fault was it for the sickness that riddled your body with sores and TB?

Was it my fault that you died a slow painful death?

that you sentenced me to that same fate.

But, it had to be,

had to be my fault,

because I could’ve stopped it,

stopped it before it began.

because I loved a man who wasn’t worth loving.

chose him above myself,

above my children

above my health and my life

I chose to love…

and it was all my fault!

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3 thoughts on “All My Fault…

  1. I set with my hands on the keys before the words would come out. It is a rare occasion when I have nothing to offer in terms of support, or adding in my own life experiences. But I can thank you for sharing such a personal story of abuse. My hope is that the someone who needs it will find this post. I will bookmark it and share. May God bless you.

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