Dirty Pictures

He was different, and that’s why I loved him, not the typical young guy. Who had no plans, no future. My baby had dreams, at least, he was my baby once upon as time.

As I stood staring at the open computer screen I couldn’t help feeling shocked, then ashamed. My fiancée knew me well, he could sense the slightest change in my moods, he knew that face I made when I thought of “O”, these emotions kept betraying me even though I tried to keep a straight face. Deep inside, I was in agony. Why hadn’t I deleted this shit off my flash drive? Gotten rid of these as thoroughly as I got rid of the man they belonged to!

Olan was the love I thought would be my final love. We were so into one another that sometimes I would be thinking something and he would just up an say it. We had chemistry and heat, and the ability to love each other from a distance.

I waited on him for months, until he was able to travel to see me. In my mind hoping that one day I wouldn’t have to miss him. He spent ten days wrapped up in my arms and my body. Both of us expressing feelings that had been growing for years.

I posed for him… Naked, bare with all my emotions exposed. Those were the most beautiful pictures I had ever taken and now I looked at them in horror and disgust! He tricked me, made me love him, all the while being involved with someone else. I wonder if they laughed at me as laid together, chuckling at the fool who was gullible enough to believe in love and dirty photos. I was looking for love… Instead of allowing love to find me.

Why hadn’t I gotten rid of those pictures? Did I still care for Olan even after the breakup we had? Wait, did I love him?
I think I already knew the answer to that, I did love him, probably always would. He gave me something special that no betrayal could take away, he gave me confidence, the ability to walk into any room and talk without fear. For that I will always be grateful. But sometimes, you just have to let go… Sometimes, you have to just press Delete!

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Rose Red says:

    Delete is a good thing! Well written.

  2. I call it the Purge of the Past! And I just got rid of my last shoe box of old useless photos from those kinds of years. Good for you. I hope you feel the relief and liberty!

    1. mndchrls2012 says:

      At first I didn’t but I do now! Peace of mine

      1. And peace of mind too

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