Fake It Till You Make It…



I’m a huge Beyonce fan, I know a lot of persons don’t like her music for whatever reason, but  I love her, so from the last album… or was it the one before, she had this song called “Grown Woman”, oh my goodness, that is my new national anthem. Fact of the matter is, I’m a grown woman, and I do whatever I want, not without consequence, but hey, sometimes you just have to live for you.

My sex life has evolved throughout my ten years of doing the nasty, I came from vanilla, to experimenting in fellatio, then all the other deeper darker things… and now, I know what I like! I know that I would never try certain positions again or certain condoms… I know what I like, and what I don’t. The shit that pisses me off beyond measure is when a man expects me to adapt my sexual preferences to fit his, without question, discussion nor compromise. If he wanted a virgin (blank slate) then he should’ve gotten one and nurtured her into the sexual animal that he wanted her to be.

Let me just get this out, I love sex, (maybe that’s why I write about it so much), I enjoy sex, it makes me feel good and powerful and fearless and just light and happy. Yes, I get to share myself with my lover and we get to touch colors and collect clouds and all the other bullshit that people say when they’re unsatisfied and their relationship is one sided. I’m a grown woman, been there done that! I’ve been the damsel in distress who kept quiet and acted blond as a man hopped on top of me without so much as a kiss to my lips. I’ve been on the receiving on of spiteful sex that hurts and hurts and you wish would be over quickly. I’ve been on the receiving end of a man being so wound up that he came in thirty seconds flat.

In my sexual evolution I have come to the realisation that faking it doesn’t help me. I hated being unsatisfied, feeling like there was something that I was missing and there was, its called an orgasm… I’m not trying to come off as a man hater or comical, but it just amazes me at how long it took me, laying up or under a man, moaning of feelings i never felt. Making him feel good, thinking that he in turn will make me feel good, let’s just say that he didn’t.

That shit ain’t fun no more, so afterwards when a man and I became involved, I always wanted to know what were his preferences and what were the deal breakers before I got too caught up and emotional. So that if necessary I could roll the hell out. Too many women stay in unsatisfying sexual relationships because they don’t want to be alone or because their partner treats them right. I hate to say it, but one day, down the road, you’re gonna cheat and that will be the end to the wonderful, fake relationship that you’ve been grooming. Get help, talk to someone…

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