I’m so weird

I just caught a ¬†glimpse of myself in the mirror after leaving home and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. I can’t believe that I went on the road looking like a crazy woman.

I took my sister home after four hours of sibling bonding AKA me styling her hair and I had intentions of installing some extensions in my hair, so I was deep conditioning with my plastic cap, I got so carried away on my hair binge that I didn’t realize the time had gone.

I was driving along the highway, no makeup, head covered by plastic cap, singing along to TLC’s “Creep” at the top of my lungs. Which wasn’t much at the time, as I was in full swing of my seasonal allergies. Every time I said, “and so I creep” it sounded like a busted washing machine, living out its final days. I had to admit it was funny, lol, but the worst part was when I stopped at the traffic light, a few persons passed me… the look on their face was priceless. What the hell? What can I say, I’m pretty.

It took me a long time to love the image I saw when I looked in the mirror… always so caught up wanting to be someone else. Wanting to feel special and important. It took me a while, until i realized that my face wasn’t gonna change so I had to get use to it.

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A bucket of ice cream would do me good

I’ve been feeling really fat lately, bursting and pushing out my clothes that I have just manage to fit back into. I can no longer walk around with a GUT stating that its baby weight. I lost my baby weight, three weeks after having my baby. I didn’t plan it, but I ate, drank and snacked my way back to ten pounds heavier than I was at my post-natal check up.

I know I shouldn’t, but a bucket of ice cream would do me good right about now, curling up on my sofa, watching Criminal Minds on Netflix… living the life. I would love to snuggle up in some period panties and a t-shirt, with some regular Neapolitan ice cream, with no nuts, no drizzle, just chocolate, strawberry and vanilla. yep… thats the life!

But, a bucket of ice cream would only ruin my day, making me all depressed and shit. Wishing that I could shove my fingers down my throat to vomit. I do like having a little meat on my bones, but this meat is starting to hang in certain places that is not good for neither my figure nor my self esteem.

Its time to do something, time to dust off my crusty old Adidas and my insanity videos… its time to get this body back. time to make it all sleek and sexy. If only this mantra would help me complete a whole workout without passing out, then I would be well on my way. As motivating a the great shaun T is, everytime i make up my mind to exercise… the ice cream calls me, luring me into the kitchen for the tub and an extra large spoon. Just one more, and then i WILL stop, I promised, and like a habitual liar, I have yet to keep that promise.

Hi, my name is Amanda, and I’m addicted to snacking, especially on but not limited to Ice cream, I know that I wanna change and I will.

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Baby Elise

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I dream for you,
little arms and pretty smile
Waited for you,
When others said
That you were a fleeting dream
Fading in the ticking of a clock
Biological,
I didn’t think that it was logical
To not even try!
Oh how I see you,
My child with lots of personality,
The answers to my prayers
Wrapped neatly in chubby cheeks and kicking feet
A big messy package of needs
Needing me
And me needing you,
My little human
Who stretches and giggles
Pulling at my heart each time
I just dream and hope
That the world will be kind
For a mother only wishes the best for her daughter
Praying that you go through life
Unscathed
Unmarked and untainted by how evil it all can be,
Because I live for you
Eagerly awaited your arrival
You are the last missing piece
To my life’s complex puzzle
And I love you
Gisele Elise

Seriously EXHAUSTED

So my baby was up most of the night last night. Crying about everything and nothing. Just couldn’t get her to settle, her dad tried, but he was sleeping and almost rolled the baby off of his chest. Which in turn made me mad and crossed.
So it was her and I, until two Am then she was up again at 3:30 Am. I’m tired, and she back at it again, I need help. Sighs!

All The Things wrong with me

Had a rough night with the baby last night… Didn’t sleep till two Am, then she was up at 3:30. Here goes nothing.

I’m tired of being tired
Piling my feelings into big black bags of nothing
Pretending they don’t exist
Pretending for you that I’m ok.
I’m tired of being
Exhausted
Pinning my poetry down to frustration and stress
I’m tired of being unwanted,
The ugly duckling
Too smart to be dumb
But too dark to be pretty
Staring into puddles and looking glasses
Trying to see the beauty in a distorted me.
A hormonal
Strung out version of my former self.
The self the couldn’t give a shit
Who is just tired of being fucking tired
And depressed
Going through the lengthy checklist of all the things wrong with me
That I should change so that I could win you!
My mythical nirvana,
Yet, the closer I get to you,
The more you look like a landfill
Reflecting the green of the garbage around you.

Not a Mommy Blogger

Just recently I became a mom again, my first child is seven years old. I went online and did a lot of reading, those mommy blogs are very interesting so I thought I would try it.
Let me just say, that first draft was crap, second draft was crappier. I couldn’t understand how I couldn’t get my post to sound- The way I wanted it to sound. It didn’t have the sarcasm that I was so famous for and I just couldn’t see ME coming through the words.
I figured it was because I was trying to sound like those other bloggers…. Whatever, either way I have given up on being a mommy blogger. We don’t have car pools and play dates where I come from. You play at recess and when school done, that’s done.
So I guess I’m not mommy blogging material. Hell, I can’t even get my baby to smile as I take her picture. Sighs… She smiles before and she smiles after.