Mirror Mirror

identity d

I’m fracturing

unraveling

renting from the seams

as pressure builds within,

it should be easy,

giving up on things

that make you toxic

but i’m pathetic

attracting leeches

like leeches

to blood

allowing them to suck my essence dry

i’m secretly sadistic,

pretending to enjoy my pain

by hurting others

and I’ve been

hurting others

stuck in this inter-neural battle

with myself for far too long.

something has got to give

Something has got to build

Because this life of delapitated love stories

And demolished dreams are beginning to take a toll

As I attempt to take 

Hold on all the things that make me 

Me…

Poetic 

No more poetic clone wars 

Stories of love lost 

Dead and forgotten 

Undertakers attempting in futility 

To revive the dead 

Frankstein’s monster 

An abomination that should’ve never been given thought 

Much less life. 

No more poetic sandstorms 

Of life lived 

The only remnants 

The dunes of memories 

That depresses even the reader. 

It’s not enough 

To exist 

Barely living 

Crawling into holes and crevices 

Living like a scavenger off the land

The next meal… the only highlight! 

No more sad love songs 

Gazing at stars 

Wishing that time travel was possible 

And that you knew the meaning to life. 

What you wouldn’t kill to reach nirvana. 

Was it real? 

This mythical place of peace and contentment 

Where nothing matters because your so over the bullshit.

No more poetic thunderstorms, hurricanes, 

Natural disasters of any kind 

Just a peace that passeth 

Understanding 

I know I pretend like i don’t need you but…

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I want to possess you

Demons circling easy prey,

I pray that you will love me

Totally

Completely

Forgetting about past

Because we are past

The last

Man… woman

We are linked to these bodies

By energy

You to me

Me loving you

Wanting to be your shadow

Your conscience

Your choice

Your first thought

And your last smile…

I am amazed

At how effortless we fit,

Snug

Metaphysical locks and keys

That were crafted for each other.

Moving beyond long winded

exhausted arguments about everything

and nothing

i am nothing without you

a sentient being floating

without a place to call home.

because you are home

the cozy embrace of your arms is my salvation…

And as I make offering to profess my devotion

I pray that you would give me a notion

A sign

A burning bush

Or a simple smile

I know I pretend like I don’t need you

But

i love you…

from your resident corny writer

Ronda. ..

She was only diagnosed three days ago

but she knew long before

that she was dying,

and i’d like to think that she’s made peace with it…

twenty three year old…

all tatted up

making mistakes and drawing her own conclusions

six months ago, she was invincible

doing what those afflicted by youth do best…

she had barely begun to live..

barely knew what she wanted,

wanted to be

what she wanted to do

and it wasn’t fair

that she should suffer,

wasting slowly into a pile of nothing

turning to a god that she never believed in before,

praying

crying screaming

going through all the stages of grief in an instant

she wouldn’t last long, she knew

she saw the stares

the unshed tears

the silence

when everyone

spoke to everyone but her

it wouldnt make a difference

wouldn’t change her fate

one day… soon

she would die

and that would be the end of that…

Its Perfect

images

it’s perfect

dressed in fine silk and thick wool

a relationship that shines

reflecting all the light of the universe around it…

it’s perfect

beautiful

filled with beautiful people

who must be perfect too…

But are they,

perfect

Beyond what the eyes can see

Dark closets and plushed pillows

so why do they pretend

living life like supermodels

perfect

airbrushed

flawless to the untrained eye and fake in all the ways it counts…

they were perfect

filled with well wishes and good intentions

but they never intended to fall out of love

stuck between starting over and pretending

pretending that its perfect

but all that glisters

hardly ever is gold

and some problems never have solutions

but whose perfect anyway?

Nostalgia

I should just give up 

Give up living 

Give up trying to be something I’m not 

Fighting not to become the person that I am 

And it’s pathetic 

After all who said I’d never 

They can finally say that I didn’t 

Prophetic  justice for all the bad shit that I’ve done! 

And I’m hurting 

Busy hurting me 

Thinking I’m hurting you 

No strings attached

I’m greedy

not merely satisfied

owning your body

I want to own your heart.

I know its complicated

and i knew the situation,

that you were not available

for me to love

no strings attached

was that what it was suppose to be?

to be honest it fought it

the attraction

to your eyes

your stare

your smile

the look that takes over as you climax…

I’m impressed

at everytime that you impress me

showing me

bits and pieces of more than just skin.

I know your situation

that your heart was too damaged to be available

to love

and i should respect that

and honestly,

i do

respect you

but every other day

when my mind lingers

I remember why rules were meant to be broken

my rules

cracked

shattered

vaporized

my mantra “don’t fall in love with this man”

wasted breath

and  useless  antics.

I never wanted to love

you

this much

at all…

but in between bodies tangled

and tangled sheets

i just did.

so this post is my breakout post… I’ve gotten back into my over reading and over drafting and trying to make sure that a poem is perfect or at least close before posting…. I’ve written almost every day for the month and what do i have to show for it, an inbox full of drafts. so… first post with no long winded grammar or spell checks, no revision X 10… no bullshit.

Crazies

  

The crazies always come out late at night 

It seems 

When it’s dark 

And raining 

And people are asleep. 

They walk in roads 

Sitting on corners 

Feeding stray dogs 

From bins and boxes 

And all the yucky things 

That we scorn! 

They talk at the top of their lungs, 

Or so they feel 

Arguing with imaginary friends 

And villains.

It… Is sad 

Seeing lives wasted 

And people hurt

Destroyed by decisions and circumstances,

Some times I pity them 

The crazies 

Them and their shabby cardboard houses and tattered clothes 

Sometimes I could care less 

Too caught up in my shit to be bothered!

But it bothers me

Sometimes… 

The crazies 

The people 

The humans

That are just like me! 

Struggling to survive 

On the revolving hamster wheel of life. 

It should concern me a little bit more than it does 

But I am still caught up 

Drowning in technology 

And social media 

Loosing my humanity 

With each text message I send. 

I should be bothered 

Guess what?

You should too! 

Life of a Nurse

I’m tired 

It’s nine am 

And I should’ve been home two hours ago 

Cuddling with pillows and toes that missed me from the night before. 

But the toes are up and about 

Getting ready for work and life 

A day spent without me… 

Another day 

Another night 

Days running into each other 

And off days that are anything but… 

I chose this 

This life that’s all consuming 

Consuming my time 

Consuming me…

Consuming me 

I’m tired 

Running on two hours of sleep

And a bunch of chores…

I need to rest, 

Because it all begins again in four hours. 

But I chose this…

For Better or Worst Numb 

I really wish I could write about love… 

All the shits and giggles,

Clouded over by fluffy clouds 

And stars that are as cold as ice. 

But life has me 

For better and worse

Numb 

When it’s good 

It is, 

Good 

But bad reminds me of 

The devils lair 

Demented colors bouncing off caves, 

This retched feeling 

And I’m the one to be blamed! 

I loved once

Completely 

Fully 

Giving all or nothing. 

But life has me 

For better or worst numb, 

Making excuses

And second guesses 

As to why I can’t love 

Anymore. 

Maybe my heart went on vacation 

Because it was tired 

Of being hurt too! 

I really tried 

To love him 

Once upon a time 

But life changed me 

For better or worst!…